Tuesday, November 25, 2008
His Treasure, My Junk!
Date nights. Those are few and far between for the parents of six children, but when Bob and I finally get a chance to be alone, we really enjoy each other's company. Last week, we had so much fun cruising through Victoria Gardens on a really cool bicycle-built-for-two and just enjoying the sights and people strolling through the streets.
Over 20 years ago Bob came home with an ancient, bent and rusted frame of a tandem bicycle, that he found at the junk yard while delivering trash. Like many other "dumpster diving" experiences, I just knew this would be one more project that would be put on the shelf. I wasn't thrilled about housing another ugly piece of trash in our single car garage, and when I mentioned that I didn't think anything good could come of such a "find", the proverbial gauntlet had been thrown down on the table. Bob went to work sanding, painting, replacing parts and putting lots of TLC into his great find. Several weeks later, one of the coolest tandem bicycles I had ever seen emerged from the garage, ready for a spin. It had a shiny coat of red paint, gleaming chrome handle bars, new black padded seats, new white-wall tires, and even a ding-a-ling bell on the front. I had to admit that I was very impressed and had to eat my words of doubt that I had heaped on my motivated husband. "Hop on," he invited, "let's give this thing a whirl!" What an initial experience that was! Riding on the back seat took some getting used to. I could peddle and I could brake, but the handle bars didn't move! I felt trapped and I certainly didn't have any control. When I felt we needed to slow down or turn, I would shift my body in the direction I thought we needed to go, or slam on my brakes and that would cause us to wobble and even lose control. Bob's job was made much harder by my desire to steer and dictate the direction I thought we should go. I couldn't see where we were going since the middle of Bob's back was right in my face and frustration got the better of me. I insisted on taking the lead. That was one of the worst ideas. Within seconds of starting out, we went down. The extra weight on the back, my weak arms and diminutive size didn't give me any control of the bike. In fact, I never had control. What a learning experience that was! Trusting my husband to lead was a huge lesson in our growth as a married couple.
We have used the analogy of our tandem bicycle in many marriage discussions. We are on the same bike, going the same direction and arriving at the same time. How we arrive depends on how smooth the ride was. As a wife, I must trust my husband to lead, and steer, as the Lord leads him. If I lean WITH him, not against him, we make smooth turns and easy transitions. If I peddle just as eagerly as he does, we can get places twice as fast and with a shared effort and satisfaction of a job well done. Both of us are doing the work, together. There are times when I have put my feet up and cruised along without putting in any effort. It seemed that "enjoying the view" was my "right" and I had earned the break, but after a short while, my husband gets exhausted pulling all the weight by himself and needs my help. He is willing to do that at times and has definitely done his fair share of peddling alone, but we are on this "bike of life" together and need to work as a team to get to places that a single bike rider can only dream of.
Riding the tandem is a piece of cake these days. I have learned to read Bob's body language and I know when to peddle harder, when to back off, when to lean, when to brake, and when to let him lead. I trust my husband to get us to our destination safely and we have a great time along the way.
Cruising through Victoria Gardens on our date night reminded me of how much we have grown in our marriage and in our individual lives. I don't feel the need to be in control and it is quite a relief to let my man do the leading. We ride as one, we arrive as one, we live as one, and we continue to follow the One who is giving the directions. What I thought was junk, turned out to be a priceless treasure!
Over 20 years ago Bob came home with an ancient, bent and rusted frame of a tandem bicycle, that he found at the junk yard while delivering trash. Like many other "dumpster diving" experiences, I just knew this would be one more project that would be put on the shelf. I wasn't thrilled about housing another ugly piece of trash in our single car garage, and when I mentioned that I didn't think anything good could come of such a "find", the proverbial gauntlet had been thrown down on the table. Bob went to work sanding, painting, replacing parts and putting lots of TLC into his great find. Several weeks later, one of the coolest tandem bicycles I had ever seen emerged from the garage, ready for a spin. It had a shiny coat of red paint, gleaming chrome handle bars, new black padded seats, new white-wall tires, and even a ding-a-ling bell on the front. I had to admit that I was very impressed and had to eat my words of doubt that I had heaped on my motivated husband. "Hop on," he invited, "let's give this thing a whirl!" What an initial experience that was! Riding on the back seat took some getting used to. I could peddle and I could brake, but the handle bars didn't move! I felt trapped and I certainly didn't have any control. When I felt we needed to slow down or turn, I would shift my body in the direction I thought we needed to go, or slam on my brakes and that would cause us to wobble and even lose control. Bob's job was made much harder by my desire to steer and dictate the direction I thought we should go. I couldn't see where we were going since the middle of Bob's back was right in my face and frustration got the better of me. I insisted on taking the lead. That was one of the worst ideas. Within seconds of starting out, we went down. The extra weight on the back, my weak arms and diminutive size didn't give me any control of the bike. In fact, I never had control. What a learning experience that was! Trusting my husband to lead was a huge lesson in our growth as a married couple.
We have used the analogy of our tandem bicycle in many marriage discussions. We are on the same bike, going the same direction and arriving at the same time. How we arrive depends on how smooth the ride was. As a wife, I must trust my husband to lead, and steer, as the Lord leads him. If I lean WITH him, not against him, we make smooth turns and easy transitions. If I peddle just as eagerly as he does, we can get places twice as fast and with a shared effort and satisfaction of a job well done. Both of us are doing the work, together. There are times when I have put my feet up and cruised along without putting in any effort. It seemed that "enjoying the view" was my "right" and I had earned the break, but after a short while, my husband gets exhausted pulling all the weight by himself and needs my help. He is willing to do that at times and has definitely done his fair share of peddling alone, but we are on this "bike of life" together and need to work as a team to get to places that a single bike rider can only dream of.
Riding the tandem is a piece of cake these days. I have learned to read Bob's body language and I know when to peddle harder, when to back off, when to lean, when to brake, and when to let him lead. I trust my husband to get us to our destination safely and we have a great time along the way.
Cruising through Victoria Gardens on our date night reminded me of how much we have grown in our marriage and in our individual lives. I don't feel the need to be in control and it is quite a relief to let my man do the leading. We ride as one, we arrive as one, we live as one, and we continue to follow the One who is giving the directions. What I thought was junk, turned out to be a priceless treasure!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
August 1st Update
Family update: Caleb is life guarding at Laurel Pines, Naomi is working in the kitchen at the same camp, Micah is at junior high camp with 6 of his friends, Ethan, Isaac, and Kenan started their new school year yesterday. Bob is anticipating an interview at APU for an Associate Professor in the Special Eduacation Dept. in the high desert. He didn't get hired for the Intervention Counselor or the GLC at Walnut, but still has his job in the classroom. Bob had a biopsy done on a mass that is in his cheek. Since he is a melanoma patient, doctors are cautious with any type of growth or mass. I am looking for something to put my hand to, i.e. a part-time job, a ministry to invest into, something to fill some of my empty days. I never thought I'd be in want of more work, but the day is here that all my children are in school and don't need mom during the day like they did when they were babies and toddlers. I am playing different scenarios in my head regarding Bob's career. I have to admit that I am concerned about a change in schedule and financial packages. I KNOW the Lord will never fail me or my family, it's my flesh and human-ness that worries about new insurances, pay cuts, job change. I don't handle change very well and this could be a good time of growth for me, my marriage, and my trust in the Lord. My head and heart fight with each other. Lord, give me peace, give me calm, give me total faith in You and Your will for the Van Setten Bunch.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
This is my first experience with a blog and I like the idea of being able to use it as a type of journal/memory keeper. I often don't take the time to sit and write in a journal since it is so much quicker to type on the computer.
To give a quick update on the Van Setten Bunch is going to be easy on the blog and hopefully, not too yawn inspiring. We just returned from our "2008 Adrenaline Vacation": white water river rafting, 7 days on the beach in San Diego, Magic Mt., Hurricane Harbor Water Park, creek diving, rock climbing and rapelling at Bass Lake, biking and hiking in Yosemite, and mountain biking down Mammoth Mt. Feels good to be home and to have a lengthy shower-those "spit showers" are no fun.
Caleb and Naomi are working at Laurel Pines as the Lifeguard and Cook. The 4 other boys don't know what to do with themselves. It would sure be nice if we had a pool. Bob is taking a class at LaSierra all day to help finish off his doctorate requirements. He's getting closer. Dr. William Van Setten sounds pretty flashy, huh? As of this week, he will be back in the Special Ed classroom at Walnut High School since he was not selected for the Intervention Counselor on his campus.
That's enough for this first blog. I'd love to hear about your vacations this summer. Where have you gone or what have you done?
To give a quick update on the Van Setten Bunch is going to be easy on the blog and hopefully, not too yawn inspiring. We just returned from our "2008 Adrenaline Vacation": white water river rafting, 7 days on the beach in San Diego, Magic Mt., Hurricane Harbor Water Park, creek diving, rock climbing and rapelling at Bass Lake, biking and hiking in Yosemite, and mountain biking down Mammoth Mt. Feels good to be home and to have a lengthy shower-those "spit showers" are no fun.
Caleb and Naomi are working at Laurel Pines as the Lifeguard and Cook. The 4 other boys don't know what to do with themselves. It would sure be nice if we had a pool. Bob is taking a class at LaSierra all day to help finish off his doctorate requirements. He's getting closer. Dr. William Van Setten sounds pretty flashy, huh? As of this week, he will be back in the Special Ed classroom at Walnut High School since he was not selected for the Intervention Counselor on his campus.
That's enough for this first blog. I'd love to hear about your vacations this summer. Where have you gone or what have you done?
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